Lost in Translation

My friend Anusha always insists on doing 3 things in a foreign country; watch TV, go to a grocery store, and take the public transport. Since I had already done the first 2 things I figured today instead of taking the media bus I would go into Turin via the city bus (ETT) #72.

I love public transport. The New York Subway, LIRR and PATH train, London Underground, Kyoto subway, Tokyo subways (with help from Jon and Mayumi), San Francisco tram and BART, and even the DC metro I have conquered. After a day I was zipping in and out of the Madrid metro like a pro. I am one of the few who own a car AND take the bus in LA (to the airport). Even when the city is un-navigable and I get lost instantly (Boston) usually I can figure out the public transport (the T).

My plan was to go into the center city, then walk down to the Porto Nuovo train station and take the media bus down to the MPC. I figured this would add at most 20-30 minutes to my morning commute. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

I consulted my map, double checked the route. The city bus and the media bus stop at the same place, going in the same direction. I walked down to the bus, stashed my media credential inside my jacket, and went into stealth mode. Incognito…just one of the guys on the street.

The first thing I noticed about Italian public transport is that apparently it’s free. Of all the people I saw get on the bus I think I saw 2 pay. And you can’t really pay with cash….apparently you have to use these little cards…so I feigned ignorance and sat down. The next thing I noticed about public transport is that it makes a lot more stops than the media bus….the stops are easily walkable but people still get on and off after one stop. People in a rush?

At this point I pulled out my guidebook and tried to figure out what, if anything I would walk past on my trek down to Porto Nuovo. I got seriously engrossed in an article about the Shroud of Turin…apparently the one on display is a photocopy and not the real thing.

The Cloud of Turin? I think it's god laughing at me...
Serves me right for getting sucked into religious relics, I hear lots of screaming and I look up. 2 old ladies and an old man are yelling at a driver who has double parked…on a street that is about 2 cars wide. At this point I realize that the bus is stopped and can’t turn. As they get into it with the driver (who has gone inside for a coffee and is now coming out) I think….so charming, ahh Italy. The odd fact that there are only 3 people on a bus in the middle of the morning in Turin escapes me.

We turn the corner and I realize that I am really in deep trouble.


We are not in Kansas anymore....
We are not in downtown Torino. Not at all. Not even close. We could be somewhere in the San Fernando Valley. There are too many cars, too many wide roads and way too much open space. We’re in the sticks.

NOoooo problemo; I will just walk around, find a cab, and go straight back to Verolengo; or even into the office. Except for the fact that there is not a cab in sight. No problem, I’ll duck into this nice café we just drove past and call one, except that when I look in my wallet and realize I have about 5 euro to my name and not a bank or ATM in sight. This is not good. Not good at all.

I’m screwed.


At the next stop I glance at the route markers and realize that I am 3 stops away from the end, the wrong end, of the bus line. I decide immediately to get out at the next stop; except that we are now in a maze of one way streets..so getting out does not necessarily mean that there will be a stop on the other direction close by. I get off the bus and realize that I am really, really lost.

So I go back to the bus stop and get out my bus map. I figure out where the other bus stop SHOULD be and just head out there. There are no street signs to be seen so I'm going on faith...dead reckoning. I walk three blocks and turn right, and there is…..A BUS STOP. I check it and it’s the #72 heading INTO town. I’m thrilled. Moments later a bus shows up and I slink into the back.


The bus stop. The other side of that sign is for the motel to the right.


The bus!

This was a cool stadium. Don't know for what or where...

Riding public transport back into town is far different that going out. There are lots more people; including the scary looking wo(man?) in a fur coat with a small dog who stares at me and the Italian teenagers who look at me like I am from Mars. You’ve never seen a tall Americano in sunglasses before?


A very nice park...very far away from where I want to be..


2 old men...maybe they tried to take the bus and are lost too?

For some reason the buses are also very hot… like the trains in Japan. So after a couple of minutes there is BO. A lot. Unlike the trains in Japan. I get several dirty looks from old ladies until I realize I am sitting in a handicapped seat. So I get up when the next old lady gets on and on of the teenagers promptly takes my seat. Whatever.

As we get closer things start to look much more urban and a lot older….thank god. At some point a nice lady asks me about one of my pins on my jacket. I give her one of our pins and she seem genuinely pleased.


Getting close...this is what it's SUPPOSED to look like.
The bus ends. We all get off and everything around me looks at least 100 years old....success! We get off and I start walking…I’m navigating by the sun at this point so I think I’m heading east but I’m still not entirely sure. The streets change names every 3 blocks or so downtown so a quick glance at a map is out of the question. I hit a square, turn right and see the Today Show set. Never in my life would I have equated the sight of Matt Lauer and Katie Couric with salvation. I know where I am! It’s a miracle!

I rush down to the station and grab the X1 bus back to the office. Plan foiled…nothing seen in downtown Torino (at least nothing that I haven’t already seen). 3 hours of my life wasted. Very late into the office with some taunts from Eugene. And that lady's stare still haunts me.

ETT 1. Jorge 0.

Thanks for playing…better luck next time.